All throughout my life, I have been unhappy with myself physically. I didn’t like how I looked because, according to people around me, the only way to be beautiful in society was to be thin, and white. Both of those criteria’s went against me, so I immediately thought that I was not worthy. Just because I didn’t meet the standards of others ideas of beauty, I would and could never be beautiful. Starting June or so of 2015, when I was 17, I began to realize my own self worth.
With the growing amount of mixed race, and curve models, I was beginning to notice the beauty in myself. I always thought of other men and women who looked similar to me were beautiful, but for some reason I did not reflect that on myself. I’m only just learning to appreciate my body, after 17 years and hating on myself. If one is healthy, and takes the right steps to taking care of their body, then I don’t see why others hate on them because they aren’t thin. Everyone is different, regardless, and people need to acknowledge that. I will never look or be like the person next me on this plane right now, because we are not the same. Our bodies are biologically different, which means several things like I won’t process food the same way they do. There’s always room for improvement, if you want to change something about yourself, then go ahead. Lose weight for yourself, no one else, and for your well being. Do it because you want to be healthy and feel better, not because someone says you should.
How I started to love myself was achieved by a lot of alone time, thinking about myself. I thought about how I felt about me as whole, and I constantly reminded myself that I am who I am, and I need to love myself for who I am because no matter what, this body is going with me to the grave and I need to appreciate it. I wrote down my thoughts in my journal, some more coherent than others, but it was therapeutic, and helped me immensely in the end. I watched Ashley Graham’s TED Talk, and that was something new for me as well. The way she handled herself, and respected herself as a whole was amazing, truly inspiring, and left and impression that will stay with me forever.
In the end, no matter that size you are, you are beautiful, and have so much worth. If you are having a tough time with loving yourself, hopefully these things may help you. This is how I learned to love myself, but things may be different for you. Test different things out, in the end, you are still going to be an amazing person, and you will learn how to appreciate who you are as a whole.
I remain yours,